It is a normal desire of loving parents to protect their child from danger, to show care and increased attention to his or her life. But only if this behavior does not develop into total control and excessive care. If you want your child to develop and not experience serious problems of adaptation in adulthood, it is necessary to adequately assess the methods of upbringing. So that later you do not have to force your child to move out of the parental home and kick them out to work.
How to recognize hyper-parenting?
In psychology there are a number of signs that indicate hyper-parenting. Here we will reflect the most common examples in practice.
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Performing actions for the child. As an example, we can cite the following situation: the child does not want to do homework, but so that he does not get a reprimand or a bad grade, parents perform the task for him. Or this situation: the child is slowly tying his shoelaces, and mom has to hurry. Then she takes his shoelaces and ties them for him, with the phrase: "let me do it all myself".
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Lack of trust. Such parents call their child every 10 minutes when they left home to go out with friends. Dig in his things, read personal diaries, messages in social networks.
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Control over all spheres of the child's life. It begins with the interests and hobbies of the child, ends with nutrition and his circle of communication. Many parents forbid the child to communicate with this or that person, because they do not like him. Try to impose those friends that suit them.
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Not being able to insist on their own. To avoid caprices and quarrels with the child, parents themselves go to walk the dog, take out the trash, clean his room.
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Ignoring the wishes of the child. This applies to those parents who are accustomed to decide everything for their child, without asking for his opinion. As a result, the child either accepts it, or actively protests.
What are the consequences of hyper-parenting?
As a result of hyper-parenting, the child forms the following psychological features:
- Lack of personal opinion, and if there is one, then being already an adult the child can not defend his opinion.
- Lack of confidence in himself and his strength. Therefore, a person does not show activity, initiative. Constantly afraid to make any mistake.
- Difficulty in communication. Such people are very shy, afraid to speak first, do not know how to support a conversation.
- Closed-mindedness. A person who was constantly controlled in childhood learns to hide his thoughts, desires and emotions. With age this all only worsens.
- Emotional instability. Here everyone is different, someone is nervous, impatient. Someone on the contrary is too apathetic and he is not interested in what is happening.
- A large number of complexes. Related to appearance, skills and knowledge.
What to do to correct the situation?
First of all, you need to understand that the earlier parents realize the wrong approach in education and make efforts to change, the better. Well, and if your child has already reached adolescence, you will need the help of a specialist.
What actions will help to correct the situation?
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Allow your children to make mistakes. So they will gain life experience, it will be easier for them to face something new. Thus, they will begin to act not out of need, but out of curiosity. Your child wants to go to the pool, but does not know how to swim, no problem.
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Try to watch your words. After all, for you it's just words, but for the child any word you say is very important. Therefore, forget about insults such as: "adults know better" or "your opinion is not important to anyone". Statements like that lead to shyness, insecurity and low self-esteem.
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Reduce your control. Call your child less often, do not tell him who to be friends with, what to eat and what hobbies are really worthwhile. If the child wants your opinion or advice, he or she will turn to you for help. Make compromises when it comes to evening walks, vacations or daily schedules.
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Develop independence in your child. After all, this is a very important quality for an adult. Thanks to independence, many people achieve success and goals.
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Allow your child to find his own personality. Do not impose your desires or some social norms on him or you will make him an unhappy person. This applies to the question of hobbies, career guidance, finding friends and a soul mate.
